-^-for posterity-^-

i'm sitting in an internet cafe in saigon waiting to pick up my mother and brother. i haven't seen them since mid-september and couldn't be more excited. i've run over the scene a million times in my head. last night i couldn't sleep because i was busy imagining what would happen.

here's how it plays out:

the ho chi minh city airport is smallish and the exit from customs looks like a cattle shoot. it is a set of glass doors and two long, chrome railings. people stand behind the railings and watch the dazed travelers stumble and get their bearings. i'm going to be standing at the end of the cattle shoot.

i'm going to be looking dapper because i want my mother to believe that i'm healthy. i don't want any, "you're too thin/fat/dirty/clean" comments. i'm going to have my bad draped over my right shoulder.

my brother is a tall, slim man who smiles and always knows what to say. he is handsome and his skin is the color of worn leather but it is as smooth as it was when he was twelve. he never passed through an awkward stage. he was always handsome. he never had to deal with a squeaky voice and buck teeth. he seemed to wake up one day after puberty.

my mother has eyes that pierce through to your soul. she can look at you and instantly judge what is inside of you. she's a principal and does a good job. she has to balance little highschool kids and little adults that sometimes act like highschool kids. she's my mother. nothing more needs to be said.

my mother will walk out first. either her or my brother. i haven't decided. i figure she's the more experienced world traveler so she should be able to negotiate customs more quickly. my brother is a bit of a schiester and may be questioned. she'll walk out and walk in the middle of that long row of people. she won't see me at first but then our eyes will lock. she'll smile and speed up a bit. she'll get to the end of the walk and i'll give her the biggest hug ever. one of those hugs where you don't really even know you're hugging someone because it all feels so right. not one of those hugs where you're trying to sense when the other person wants to let go or where you're wondering how you got into the position to give/receive a hug. a good hug.
she'll say something and i won't know how to respond.

my brother will be next. he'll come out with a smirk on his face and i'll have one to match on mine. he'll casually walk over to me and give me a huge hug. he may pat me on my back, something he picked up from dad. i decided i would say something to jason. i would say, "vietnam's not ready for the likes of you." i think that would be witty. i know it's corny to plan on saying something so long in advance and i may risk corniness in saying it but, he needs to know i haven't really changed.

i don't know how i'll work it if both mom and jason walk out together. it'll be a mess. it'll be a mess of hugs and glances and smiles. i hope one comes out first.

i think i might cry. i just decided that would be ok.