-^-for posterity-^-

i said goodbye to my father this morning. it'll be another yea and a couple of months before we see each other again. i'm not sure how i feel.

our whole family went out for breakfast. we had pho and it was good. we didn't really talk about anything. i tried to avoid any conversation that would have anything to do with him leaving. i was very conscious about that. the most we said was that it'd be a while before we saw each other again. we said that in passing a number of times and it was always followed by an eerie silence; the sort of silence that forces you to work hard at finding a new topic to talk about.

we left the pho shop and i took dad on my motorcycle to the bus station. i don't think we talked about anything on the way there. i really didn't want to cry. i always do that.

we got to the bus station and had about a half hour to talk. dad began the conversation by talking about my time here and how proud he was of me and other things that i refuse to hear. i sat there and listened politely but didn't hear anything. his eyes started to well up a bit and i respectfully didn't say anything for a bit. i hoped he wouldn't cry so that i wouldn't have to cry.

i tactfully changed the subject to work. he talked to me about his job and it was wonderfully distracting. i thought about south eastern pennsylvania again and smiled. his work stories all were clear and logical. everything dad said seemed to make sense. i really liked this conversation and wished we would have had it earlier and in more depth.

it came time for the bus to leave. there was a mix-up but everything ended up well. dad said he loved me and gave me a hug. i said i loved him. he was crying but i couldn't. i stood there watching him in the bus as it drove away oblivious to where i was or what i was doing there. i felt tired. i felt sad. i felt a million things only slightly and none of them are describable.

the bus fell into the sea of vietnamese traffic. it seemed to be swallowed. i could see dad's balding head through the back window. i wondered what he was thinking as i started my motorcycle.

i drove home and the sky was grey and cold. i wanted to cry but the chaotic traffic didn't allow me. the chaotic traffic and my own shortcomings. i got home and laid on my bed next to my dog looking out the window. the sky opened up and the rain came down like a waterfall. the wind blew the palm trees and they swayed. the rain came down and washed everything away. the rain came down and everything was new and different.