-^-for posterity-^-

i walked off of my plane last night, which was delayed, and drove with an amiable taxi driver into the heart of saigon.

the streets were empty and she drove slowly. we hummed along as motorcycles passed us in random spurts. burtburtburtburtburtburtburtburt.

the hotel i routinely stay at in ho chi minh city was closing for the night. they had turned their giant golden sign off and had partially shut their front gate. i walked in and gave a spirited greeting in vietnamese that one often hears on television just as the news is about to start. 'xin chao qui gi, cac ban!' hello valued people and friends.

they were all sitting in their kitchen playing card games (which they seem to do perpetually). when they heard my late night greeting they all stood up and came to the door to help with my bags. 'it's been such a long time!' 'where have you been?' 'are you well?' all smiles and cheer.

i climbed four flights of stairs and settled into my humble room for a quite night alone. it was 11:00 and i couldn't sleep. it was 12:00 and i couldn't sleep. i thought of all that i had left, all the people that i cared about. i sat on the bed and hid my face in the pillow.

coming back here feels auxiliary, not necessary. it feels like i gave up too much to return.

the ceiling fan turned and clicked. click-click-click-click all night long. the air was thick with humidity but comfortable. i lost myself in the fan with its turning and clicking.