-^-for posterity-^-

how do i explain myself.

i drove my motorbike home tonight from a coffee shop. i was panicked. it was like i was driving without clothes.

the horn of my motorbike didn't work. i found it out when i was crossing a busy intersection and tried to warn people that i was coming through. i pushed the little, yellow, plastic button and nothing happened. i pushed it again and nothing happened. i had to slow down and let people pass. i had lost all my means of communication.

the whole drive home was terrifying. i drove slowly, on the right shoulder of the road. normally i would zip along in the middle but, without the aid of my horn, it would have been like driving blind.

i approached intersections and tried to warn others of my presence. i instinctivly pushed the little, yellow, plastic button and nothing happened. i didn't think about pushing the little, yellow, plastic button, it just happened. i knew that, if i pushed the little, yellow, plastic button nothing would happen but i pushed anyways.

i drove along terrified. if someone came up on my side to pass me i tried to blow my horn but to no avail.

has your horn ever malfunctioned? if it has, did you feel like you were driving without clothes?

how do i explain my perspective anymore. i would have felt much more safe driving home without lights and with a horn. there are so many motorcycles and lights are so dim that it wouldn't have mattered. in fact, people drive without their lights in cities at night because it is believed to save on gas. how do i explian my perspective after spending so much time away from western culture? how can i possible remember what home was like when this place feels so much more like home than anything i can conjur up in my tattered memory?

i drove home and, after a much longer journey than was necessary, i arrived safely. i will fix my horn tomorrow and will feel safe again. i will also come home in june and feel uncomfortable.

it was always explained to me that, once one steps out of their comfort zone and experience a new perspective, their own comfort zone will expand. i would like to amend that. if one steps out of their comfort zone and back into their own comfort zone repeatidly, then their comfort zone increases. if one steps out of their comfort zone and implants themselves in a different comfort zone, comfort becomes quite fragile.