-^-for posterity-^-

i arrived in this place exactly one year ago today. i placed my feet on foreign soil, a place i never knew. i had no idea what i was in for. i had no idea how i would change. now is the time for a one year review. how have i changed? how have i grown?

i learned a fact that i've learned hundreds of times in the past: everyone is the same. deep down we all have the same motivations, the same desires. we want happiness, companionship and warmth. wouldn't it be fascinating if we could find a group of people with such diametrically different motivations that we could prod them and study them? we could put them in plexiglass cages and do various odd things to them and stand with a pad of paper and write things down and make ohhing and aghing noises.

i've also learned that there are fundamental differences between people. no, some people are not more lazy than others. no, some people are not more prone to violence and hatred (i speak of large groups of people, not individuals). racism is a tumor. i've learned that culture pre-determines a lot of our actions and motivations. sure, while everyone wants comfort, companionship and warmth, these all mean different things. culture skews everything to an extent.

what is culture? (here i begin talking about things i have no authority to speak of.) culture is only a group of people who have a similar history, a similar experience. culture is only a group of people who live through a similar present. what is a race? surely it is more than physical appearance which has only been gradually adopted over time due to similar physical experiences. culture is a mound of history from which we all are influenced. culture piles up over time and continues to grow and change. i have spent the last year standing on a strange mound of culture looking down and around and making sure not to step on too many things. i have been gazing down the sides of this mound and wondering, learning. i have also been trying to virtually replicate my own cultural mound for others. i want them to understand how i see the world and why i do what i do. yes, culture is a mound of experience.

i've also come to appreciate the vastness of the world. sometimes it can all feel so small when you sit and watch cnn and listen to them make value judgments about other cultures that no one really understands. sure, the people in iraq are one way or another. who really knows how many million cultural variables influence their actions or motivations.

i have spent the last year listening to people. i've listened to hundreds of vietnamese people tell me their story. i've shut my eyes and imagined walking in their shoes. i've walked millions of miles in these fantasy shoes. i've suffered thousands of created hardships and i've loved a thousand people i've never met. i watch the old, weathered people walk by and look at their eyes.

i've also began to love this place. i've forgotten so much about home. i remember odd things: the trees in front of our house, the road after it rains, sitting in rooms with carpet, eating christmas cookies. the world doesn't exist except through the internet where i can access my virtual family. it feels like i woke up from a very vivid dream one year ago; one of those dreams that has you sitting up in bed trying to decide what is reality and what is imagined.

so, i hear that in my fantasy world there is an imaginary storm heading towards the group of family and friends that i have dreamt up. i hope the make-believe rain and wind doesn't do anyone harm.

i guess my existence would seem pretty specious to you all too.