-^-for posterity-^-

waiting in airports is mindless. you sit there and read and watch blue screens blink and flash. waiting in line is also mindless. having your passport stared at numerous times and having it stomped and slid and generally mal-treated is routine. filling out forms and declaring things to take over magic lines drawn in the dirt by little boys who never grew up is annoying. boarding a plane is absurd. the metal bird should never fly. the engines are as tall as a van and the wings are as wide as a football field. everything tells me it should sink like a rock to the bottom of the ocean and rest eternally next to the corpse of the titanic. taking off makes your heart jumble around in your chest. i always wonder what it would be like to die and if it would hurt of if it would all be over in one glorious ball of flame and twisted metal. i always wonder that. sometimes the plane turns a bit too hard or the wings seem to be bouncing a bit too much and i get nervous. does the pilot know what he/she's doing? i always worry that we're going to die but then realize that it wouldn't matter if i did and go back to my book.

at what point did i cross over into cambodia and at what point did i leave? who ever drew the lines in the dirt and who cares what i bring from one to another? i bring books (benign books), clothes (tackey button up shirts and dirty jeans) and a pair of running shoes (who knows, maybe i'll go running some day. they all travel below me in this magic metal beast that must have been blessed by the hand of god herself because she somehow stays afloat.

when we land things look different. there are large roads in thailand. there are six lane highways. there are cars and trucks and vans everywhere. i don't see many motorcycles. my stomach turns. i haven't seen a highway for nine months. i don't know why that made my stomach turn but it did.

we landed and didn't end up in a ball of flame and gass and misery. everything roars like a lion and we stop at the door. i walk through and fill out forms that ask me about sars. i said that i didn't have it but when i went up to the desk i almost sneezed and caused an international incident. i bit my tonge and everything passed.

i didn't claim anythign and was given a visa and deemed healthy enough to pass a few days in this new country.

being in a place where you don't know where you're going (i had a printout that told me to go to a bus station, grab a bus to cha am thailand and then board the bus) and not knowing the language. i came from a place where i knew the language. i knew what to say if the taxi driver was ripping me off and i knew how to act and where to go. here, i hopped in a taxi and pointed to the driver on a map. he took me there but it seemed as if we were going in circles. i felt nervous and out of place again. it's a feeling that livens all of your senses. not having anyone to hold your hand and not having any way to communicate with anyone except through hand gestures and smiles makes you grow.

i traveled on public bus for four hours or so finally arriving at a small town.