-^-for posterity-^-

off to a wedding.

driving through rural vietnam early in the morning is something everyone should experience. the recently awakened sun reflects off pools of water between rows of rice and other vegetables. farmers are out in the fields with water buffalos, plows and hoes. women walk along streets with baskets balanced on bamboo poles and everything seems peaceful.

the road, on the other hand, is a nightmare. it is full of ruts and holes and bumps and ambling dogs. we were traveling to a wedding in a van. our driver was either racing to put out a fire or qualifying for some vietnamese version of nascar. he seemed to be an amiable fellow, it's just that none of us could really communicate with him.
the wedding was of one of alan and louise's former english students. (alan and louise are my country representatives, my bosses) this young vietnamese lady was marrying a handsome police officer and i was just full of excitement. or, maybe i was just anxious to leave the van.

after picking up some friends, we went directly to the home of the bride. it was decorated with a blue tent full of very small tables and very small chairs. people were everywhere. i had no idea what to expect seeing as how i had never experienced a vietnamese wedding and had not bothered to research it. when a group of americans and canadians walk into a wedding, relatively nicely dressed, they draw a crowd and a throng of stares. the heads of everyone gracefully and casually turn to gaze and the foreigners. i have never been stared at so much in my life. it’s unnerving. we were first ushered into a very nice room where we met everyone. i met a lot of people and have a terrible time remembering their names. i only shake their hand, smile and try to remember to look happy and content. we sat down and drank some green tea. whenever one visits anyone else and they bother to sit down, they are required receive green tea.

we were then herded into another room where there were tables full of food. oh, was i ever hungry and we ate and ate. there were succulent piles of pork, very small birds that were cut in half, piles of chicken and a plate full of very small eggs. i tried most everything, except for the eggs. they looked like they came directly from the nest of a sparrow. it was a strange meal for 10:00 in the morning.

we were then moved into the main tent area where we sat in the front row to watch the family of the groom enter. they file in together to collect the new couple. i had no idea what was happening. evidently, the bride and groom have a little party at the home of the bride and then are taken to the house of the groom for the final party. normally, the new couple, after saying all of the sacred vows and solemnly swearing not to part until they are torn from each other by death, moves into the house of the groom. this first party is, as it was explained to me, a kind of second birth for the bride. her family had to give her up. she was born once to her biological family and now will be born again to this new family. the mother and father of the bride must stay at their house while the rest of the party moves to the grooms house. hundreds of people left immediately from the bride's house. they left like there was something dangerous in the air. they ran out upon motorbikes and in vans happily following the new pair. the mother and father of the bride must remain defiant and stand strong in the threshold of their home. they must watch their daughter walk away into a new life. it's not the same as what our culture dictates.

we saw this happen. we decided it would be a good idea to say goodbye to the bride's family and tell them thanks for everything and congrats. we walked into the room and their faces were red and swollen. they were both walking around aimlessly. i could only imagine what was going through their heads. their little daughter being brought into this home for the first time. her playing around the front steps. running, yelling and laughing. her growing up and her questions. all the fun times they must have had together and all the difficult times. they had raised a successful daughter. now they were giving her up. i wanted to stand there and cry with them. the enormity of the event hit me like a wall of ice cold water.

we moved to the house of the groom. this was a much larger party than the first. there were tents and music and one guy that kept talking into a microphone. we all sat around very small tables eating pumpkin seeds and drinking green tea. now, this is another side of this whole event: i've never been asked so many times when i'm getting married and if, perchance, i would like to marry, say, this girl right over here. what on earth was happening. this was a cultural difference that no one had prepped me for. i sat at a table and the sister of the bride was placed (literally placed) next to me. we engaged in a terribly awkward conversation in terrible english and even worse vietnamese about the most insignificant things. then someone else on the other side of the table needed to know when i was getting married. on the drive over to the grooms house someone insisted that i sit next to them. another terribly awkward conversation. a guy gave me a bouquet of flowers. what on earth. i was told many times that i should have my wedding in the south and that maybe i would invite everyone there. it would be fun. one girl said, "i hope fate cross our path". i got the message. i don't do well with situations like that. i lock up and blush. smile.

then there was the actual party. there were people that sang. songs that were slow and too high and off pitch. the keyboard, all the time, playing a terribly corny backbeat. um-pa ta ta um-pa ta ta. all day long. we were told that we could take pictures of the bride and groom practicing a form of ancestral veneration. i quickly grabbed my camera and headed off to the upper room where the shrine was. most homes have shrines to ancestors. people place things on the shrine like incense, food and pictures. i asked someone what the couple was doing (it appeared they were praying with incense) and they said that they were basically telling the ancestors that they were getting married. interesting. while we were back there we were shown the room where the marriage would be consummated. it was a small dark room with a bed that took up 4/5ths of it. there was a mosquito netting that was tied up to look pretty and pillows with the bride and groom's names embroidered on them. at least i believe so. i didn't really get their names.

we finally left. breath. what an exhausting day. we drove home and ate and visited people on the way but none were as interesting as the wedding. what a mixture of emotions. what a different and fascinating culture.

tomorrow i go to ho chi minh city to start my language training. i need to understand the language to understand the culture more clearly. i'm sure this was full of misconceptions and poorly interpreted events. it is, truly, the world through my eyes.