-^-for posterity-^-

we met a number of young, happy vietnamese girls the other day. they all wanted to marry.

'which one of us is the most beautiful?', the ugliest one asked. it's a question i've never figured out how to answer. i shuffle a bit, look up to the sky and say, 'well, it's hard to choose. you're all so beautiful.' that satisfies something and they giggle. 'which one of us would you marry?', the same girl asks. another question that's hard to answer. i say, 'um, i'd like to marry all of you but i don't think it would work. our cultures are so different.' they laugh. i don't want to offend them but probably just should and get it all over with.

i'd say something like this, 'i can't marry any of you. do you know where i come from? do you realize how drastically different everything is over there? can you imagine living in a world where people don't understand the most basic elements of your culture? at some point i would like to go home. i couldn't live here with your family. i'd be miserable. i don't know what i would do. would i teach at a university here my whole life? i don't think i would enjoy it. would you come home with me to america and eat pizza and watch cnn? do you think you would enjoy that? what about your family and your homeland which is sacred. how could you possibly leave them for adventures in another country and still be happy?'

i'd say something like that. many people here believe that a cross-cultural relationship is necessary for the enrichment of my stay here. they think that spending the rest of my life with a vietnamese girl would be the most absolutely necessary thing they can think of. i've been told hundreds of times to, 'lay vo viet nam di!.' which means, 'take a vietnamese wife now!'

i personally couldn't imagine spending my life with a woman from such a drastically different culture. maybe i'm selfish.

still, i tell everyone here that i'm looking; i'm waiting and hoping. someday, i say, i'll get lucky. i smirk and they smile.