-^-for posterity-^-

poor logic pervades all parts of the world. here are some examples from my experience.

one of the ladies in charge of making sure our stay here is comfortable told julie why she was getting no dial-tone when she picked up the phone. julie was sure that it was the line but our administrative friend said it was the actual phone. julie explained to her that that she had switched the phone with my phone and that her phone worked in my room and mine didn’t work in her room. our administrative friend sent the post office (these are chaps clad in lazy brown uniforms who are in charge of fixing phones and what not). the man came in julie’s room, checked the phone and decided the problem was in the wall. that all took two weeks.

one teacher was talking to me the other day and he was explaining why he liked to go on chat rooms on the internet. he said that they were wonderful places where you could meet new people and practice english but that he didn’t trust anyone. that is, until the other day. the other day he met a lady on the internet and she told him that he could trust her. she told him that she was not lying about who she was and that she was an honest person. she even gave him her email address. he went on to tell me about how he now trusts people on the internet and that this lady could not have been lying because she furnished him with her email address.

a different teacher went on the internet the other day in a chat room and informed us all that he met the dali lama. he asked us if we had heard about the dali lama. we informed him we had but couldn’t believe that it was the dali lama. the teacher told us that the dali lama informed him that, if he wanted his ‘one wish’ to come true, he would have to tell as many people as possible the following saying: ‘you do not fail until you quit.’ he told us that we should also go about telling other people this saying. only by spreading the word as much as possible could his ‘one wish’ possibly come true. now that you have heard this, it is your duty to follow the chat-room dali lama and pass the message on to others.

i play soccer with the education department when we have our bi-annual tournaments. we play against three other departments: economics (they’re not very good), agriculture (they’re excellent and tanned) and the maintenance/security department (they’re ok and it’s the first time i’ve ever seen them with a red face that wasn’t induced by rice wine drinking). last year i had the ill-fortune of falling down while trying to score a goal. the field is a nightmare filled in with glass and chunks of rocks not to mention one patch of thick mud where the ball always stops. there is also the reminisce of an old curb near one of the sidelines. i fell over that because, well, it’s a large curb sticking out of the gravel and mud. that was last year. this year i was trying to be heroic. we were deadlocked with the normally placid economics department. they had scored two goals (both of which dribbled through the legs of our goalie. our department chair, who is a little too rotund to play, but thoroughly enjoys watching, berated him, harangued him, for five minutes.) i played defense on the team of four. the sidelines are packed with students beating drums and cheering on their teachers. i needed to safe face in front of the students and didn’t want to be lambasted by the chair of the department. a ball dribbled down towards the goal. an economics player darted after it. i caught him with much pumping of legs and swinging of arms. an ‘oooohhh!’ went up from the crowd. the goalie came out from his net, his legs widely swaying from side to side. the economics player was going to kick the ball. i only had seconds to decide. would i drop to the ground, stop the ball, potentially save the game and bring much glory and honor to the education department? or, would i stand my ground, try to lunge forward and risk letting him get the shot off? there was no choice. it was my duty, my honor, to drop to the ground and block the shot. in doing so, i bloodied my knee pretty badly. it turned out that i ended up sliding on one of the only patches of cinder on the entire field. there are many patches of rough stones but none of cinder. i was taken to the nurse, she cleaned my wound (picking out little stones) and i played the second half. our team won and glory was brought upon the education department.

here is where things become completely illogical (not saying my servitude and idolatry of the football match isn’t illogical): one teacher decided he understood why i fell down. he thought i was too big and that, when running at any speed, i would have to fall down to stop. if i didn’t fall down, who knows what would happen. i may end up running headlong into a building or a motorbike or a 80 pound girl in an ao dai. he also decided that my equilibrium was off kilter because of my nose injury. i was assaulted a year or so ago and the teacher knew my nose was broken and i couldn’t smell. because of this injury, when traveling at high speeds, i was prone to falling. mind you, i have fallen two times in a year long period, somehow, the teacher was not going to be moved from his point. his point was simple and he was frustrated i wasn’t buying it: you are big, you run fast, you broke your nose and have fallen twice in the past year. that all adds up and all of those events are tragically interconnected. if i do not return, it may be because i got a good head of steam up, ran towards the road, forgot to fall and was hit by a truck. i love you all.