-^-for posterity-^-

i sit on my porch and think about things. life feels like practice for a test that’s never going to happen. sometimes i make myself forget that fact. i enjoy the small moments that no one can account for. i enjoy it when the dog stretches out next to me and sleeps without fear. i like it when i look up at the sky on a night where the clouds are high and thin and i see the moon. it looks like a pupil and it lights up the clouds around it and it makes an iris around the pupil. sometimes the strands of clouds look like the thin, wavy lines in the eye that shoot out of the pupil like an electric explosion. i like strawberry breezes and cups of coffee in the morning. i like it when my mind realizes something new and wonderful and everything connects and there’s a beautiful moment of clarity. those moments are only that: moments. i sit on my porch and remember that the test will never come. i try to forget about it but the thought lingers. the thought sits inside my monkey brain shooting around aimlessly. my heart pounds in my chest and my lungs capture oxygen and i continue to breath slowly. breath. breath. i look up at coconut trees and their long, thin trunks. the inside of the coconut is wonderful and sweet and fresh and alive. i see dead palm branches on the ground. soon enough they’ll be sucked into the earth. soon enough they’ll be the juice inside of a coconut. they danced their dance and their test never came. they lay dead. someday we’ll all be in their shoes.

right now i’m going to stare up at the moon and pretend it is the eye of god. s/he stares at me and i stare back. a warm strawberry breeze pushes against me and i forget that, one day, i’ll be the inside of a coconut too.