-^-for posterity-^-

last night i went out with some vietnamese friends and fell into some social booby-traps.

the first one that i fell into was setting my glass down loudly on the table. it hit the table with a thud, one i didn’t notice, and tri quickly glared in my direction. i didn’t know what was going on but felt very uncomfortable. i shifted my weight and waited.

tri later told me that i put my glass down too hard on the table and people thought that i was either angry or bored. for a culture that has no problem eating with their mouths open, slurping noodles with the vigor of a 10 year old and openly picking one’s nose in public, forcefully setting my glass down seems like a misdemeanor in a world of first degree murder.

the second social landmine that i triggered occurred right after the first. we were with a large group of friends and, after tri shot a glare in my direction, i asked him what i had done wrong. he looked sheepishly off to the side and said no. everyone stopped talking and looked at me. i asked again what i had done in a very sincere way. i really wanted to know so that i could change my behavior.

after the meal tri told me that it wasn’t proper for me to ask him what i had done wrong at the table. there were other friends there and if it was something important he would have told me. i learned two lessons last night.

i headed home fairly frustrated with the culture. it wasn’t as if either one of these issues were important, it was just that i was exhausted after so much assimilation. trying to be like them. trying to eat like them. feeling frustrated when none of it works and never having anyone to help you along.

there was a group of students waiting for us when jack and i returned. they had out christmas gifts for us. mine was a thin, rectangular box covered with bright silver and blue wrapping paper. i opened it to find a nice, tan shirt. jack received the same gift except his shirt was a bit more mustard.

the night went from frustration to elation. my faith was restored in a culture that i still didn’t understand.