-^-for posterity-^-

christmas away from home.

i was going to leave for the big city yesterday but i was told that i could go for free on the college’s van. no one told me that it was going to can tho on the way. that’s about an hour and a half tacked onto the already excruciatingly bumpy, bouncy 6 hour ride.

the van is packed with people and my knees feel each lurch on the metal bench frame in front of me. the sun beats down on my right side and causes my neck to sweat. the left side of my face is blown ice cold by an air conditioner. the radio blasts some crazy, traditional vietnamese music. music that doesn’t seem to have a melody and that seems to be played by people just randomly plucking strings. the singer’s voice floats around like a wounded bird.

there is a small boy sitting on the first bench right in the middle. he is probably thirteen years old and his hair is greasy and combed to one side. he still wears his backpack even though we’ve been traveling for the past three hours and sits on the edge of his seat with sweat beats holding fast to his forehead. he keeps vomiting. someone will hand him a clear plastic bag (why they make them clear i’ll never know) and he places it firmly against the sides of his cheeks and heaves and moans and pukes. the sound of someone else vomiting makes my throat dry. it’s not the same feeling i get when i’m thirsty, it’s more like the bitter taste of stomach acid creeping up my esophagus. i fight the urge to follow the boys lead. his father takes the bag and gently tosses it out of the window. i would guess the boy just ate a big bowl of rice and pork.

i’m still under the assumption that his sickness has less to do with the driving and more to do with with music.

going to saigon to spend christmas. living in long xuyen makes ho chi minh city feel like home to a certain extent. it at least feels much more western. in long xuyen, there is nothing resembling western culture and it’s tough living somewhere where you eat rice every day and virtually every meal. it’ll be nice to have some pizza again. it’ll be nice to watch cnn in my hotel room. it’ll be nice not to be stared at (well, at least not all the time).

when i was younger christmas was the most exciting time of the year. the time when we all would be a family: baking cookies with my mother, playing in the front yard with my brother, watching football with my father. the night before christmas eve (you see, we opened presents on christmas day) was always a night when i couldn’t sleep. i remember feeling pure anticipation, the feeling that turned my stomach and made me curl up in a little ball under my thick warm blankets. i remember being so happy that i couldn’t help but smiling as i strutted around the house in my pajamas.

i’m so far away from that childhood glee. i’m in a van that’s one minute hot, the next minute cold and there’s a little kid puking into clear plastic bags as we bounce, swerve, stop, start and honk all the way ho chi minh city. i guess this is as close as i’ll get to that feeling of pure anticipation this chrismas. i can’t wait to get there.