-^-for posterity-^-

i was thinking about my former self. i mean, i was thinking about the person that i was about a year ago. for some reason i was remembering a time when i went on a trip and i spoke vietnamese to some people and it was bad but alright. i realized that, if i had met myself today back then, something that's obviously impossible for a number of reasons (i would recognize myself for one!), i would have been frustrated to meet me. i would not have liked to meet someone who knew more about the language or the culture. i don't know why, but it bothered me. i would have been angry at my future self simply they were more successful.

i wonder that it'll be like to look back at myself right now a few years from now. will it be the same? will i realize that this self would be jealous of my future self? what does that say about me? does it mean i'm a trite little man that's so insecure with himself he doesn't quite know what to do? what does that really say about me?

today is just like most other days and i must apologize for not writing much and when i do write it doesn't tend to focus on vietnam. writing this book has removed some of the energy i used to rely on. applying to grad schools has done the same. it seems like everything has just piled up on me once again. i thought last semester would be the last time things really piled up on me but that was not the case. i can only hope that this is not habitual and is only a result of my circumstance.

blessings to you all. i still burn incense and pray for peace and promise to work for righteousness. i don't know if that'll ever stop.