my last night in long xuyen. it all feels so final. there have been so many parties, so many people to visit and shake hands with. i am tired. it is almost midnight. i leave tomorrow at six in the morning.

tonight i made sure my schedule was free. the last five or six nights have been full of various parties with various people that have various important positions. it has been hectic. there was even a party for me this afternoon with one of my classes.

tonight it was time for me to eat and smile with the other foreigners in long xuyen. we did what we wanted to do.

instead of sitting around a table and being formal, we went to a very low-class goat restaurant which has the most delicious goat curry human kind has ever sampled. we sat around the plate and ate together. we shared bread and dipped it in the spicy sauce. we talked for hours.

after the goat place we went to karaoke. i absolutely love karaoke and we sang with abandon. we sat on plush plastic sofas and shouted and danced and twirled around to the music. it was a beautiful moment. at the end of it all, i sang a vietnamese song that was very patriotic. i said goodbye to the city and headed home early feeling a bit emotional.

i drove my motorcycle for the last time down the dark streets of long xuyen. half way home the sky opened up and drenched everyone. i drove down the road with my eyes barely open and my headlight barely working as the rain poured down. i shivered and the drops stung. it felt like the sky was mourning my leaving. none of this, actually, was true. the storm had been brewing over cambodia for the past week.

before i went home i promised some people i would stop by and say good bye. i sat for a half of an hour and ate turtle soup. it was delicious.

i returned home and was greeted by my dog. we talked for a bit and he listened. he’s a thinking dog.

i then started to pack. i haven’t packed yet for my trip home. i’ve had quite a busy schedule and packing wasn’t a priority but i wonder if i just was putting it off to the last moment. after all, when you pack you really are going somewhere. to simply have a ticket in your drawer doesn’t mean a thing. to have your bags sitting behind you on a neat pile and your clothes that you will wear tomorrow sitting on a chair means that you will be leaving soon.

i packed solemnly.

my last night in long xuyen. it all feels so final. there have been so many parties, so many people to visit and shake hands with. i am tired. it is almost midnight. i leave tomorrow at six in the morning.

tonight i made sure my schedule was free. the last five or six nights have been full of various parties with various people that have various important positions. it has been hectic. there was even a party for me this afternoon with one of my classes.

tonight it was time for me to eat and smile with the other foreigners in long xuyen. we did what we wanted to do.

instead of sitting around a table and being formal, we went to a very low-class goat restaurant which has the most delicious goat curry human kind has ever sampled. we sat around the plate and ate together. we shared bread and dipped it in the spicy sauce. we talked for hours.

after the goat place we went to karaoke. i absolutely love karaoke and we sang with abandon. we sat on plush plastic sofas and shouted and danced and twirled around to the music. it was a beautiful moment. at the end of it all, i sang a vietnamese song that was very patriotic. i said goodbye to the city and headed home early feeling a bit emotional.

i drove my motorcycle for the last time down the dark streets of long xuyen. half way home the sky opened up and drenched everyone. i drove down the road with my eyes barely open and my headlight barely working as the rain poured down. i shivered and the drops stung. it felt like the sky was mourning my leaving. none of this, actually, was true. the storm had been brewing over cambodia for the past week.

before i went home i promised some people i would stop by and say good bye. i sat for a half of an hour and ate turtle soup. it was delicious.

i returned home and was greeted by my dog. we talked for a bit and he listened. he’s a thinking dog.

i then started to pack. i haven’t packed yet for my trip home. i’ve had quite a busy schedule and packing wasn’t a priority but i wonder if i just was putting it off to the last moment. after all, when you pack you really are going somewhere. to simply have a ticket in your drawer doesn’t mean a thing. to have your bags sitting behind you on a neat pile and your clothes that you will wear tomorrow sitting on a chair means that you will be leaving soon.

i packed solemnly.

i have sent many emails out in the past few days but i don’t think they were received. i also expected some emails that i never ended up getting.

the word is here that some server in hong kong is broken and therefore some of the emails from vietnam are not leaving.

if i was to send you an email and you didn’t get it, sorry. if you were to send me one, i probably didn’t get it.

last minute details, nothing going smoothly, only one more night in long xuyen and i'll skirt my way up to ho chi minh city.

i want to see everyone and they all want to see me. we talk melodramatically about my departure and the two months i will be away. we sit and drink coffee and try to think of things to say. the coffee cup ends, we stand up, shake hands and leave.

'at the beginning of august!'

i normally say something like that.

i'm having to say goodbye to some things that are quite important.

i'll have to say good bye to jack and julie. they're two other foreigners who teach here and they have been wonderful supports. i think we all support each other in our own special little way. by bringing three people together from three different subsections of western culture (northern england, north western us and east coast us), and placing them in an island that is basically void of anything they would term familiar you end up creating a fascinating group of relationships. how would these three relate? we eventually find things that we have in common, talk about them, talk about them again, occasionally mention the things we don't have in common, talk about them but no one really understands, and then move on to gossip about life here.

i will say good bye to them and, for all the times that we've rubbed each other the wrong way, i truly valued their friendship and their support.

i will have to say goodbye to my vietnamese friends here. i have a number of them, some closer than others, and i will have to tell them all goodbye for two months. i will miss the endless cups of coffee, the cafe haze and zipping around town on my motorbike with them ridding next to me sometimes grazing my hand and always talking.

i will miss work. i am respected for my work. i have moved up and into the office and have been working on projects that matter, that impact. i love the feeling of doing something that will impact. finally, after 23 years of idealism, i can actually say that i have helped people in a substantial way (!).

i will miss the food. right now i want nothing more than a trip to a mexican restaurant and the words, 'jon, choose whatever you want', to fall out of the mouth of the person who will pay the bill. however, after these two months, i'm sure i'll end up missing the endless bowls of plump, steaming rice and noodles and pork and fish sauce and everything else that makes my stomach turn since i've been here.

i will miss my dog. he is currently laying on the bed in front of the fan with his head on his paws watching me type. he has been something that, in a place that can sometimes feel lonely, offers unconditional love. when i had a bad day it was magical to come home to his wagging tail and his shaking paw to greet me at the door. i will miss him.

i will miss the motorcycle. i will miss zooming, no, roaring down narrow streets weaving in and out of groups of people, turning into masses of motorcycles coming the other direction only to have them all skirt out of the way at the last moment.

i will miss much more. i still have to pack.

it’s five in the morning and i can not sleep. i tossed and turned for the last few hours and made lists in my head of what i had to do. i spent the few hours before that in a strange state somewhere between fully conscience and fully dreaming. i was in a frustrating dream playing chinese chess with someone and yelling at them. i woke and sauntered out here, kicked the coffee table, gritted my teeth, sat down at the computer and decided to write something.

the dog isn’t sleeping with me tonight so i’m lonely. normally he cuddles against one of my legs next to the fan. in the middle of the night he wakes up, stretches, pauses to clean himself, and goes back to bed.

he greets me at the door every time i come home by wagging his tail, licking my hand and, most hilariously, putting his paw in the air over and over again as if he’s trying to shake with me. he also tries to shake after you punish him. he shakes for everything.

i am going to miss him when i go home.

well, i guess i’ll get dressed, have a freezing cold shower and go find some breakfast.

maybe i'll have rice today. again.